The Tragedy of Calisto and Melibea

Enter CALISTO, a young nobleman who, in the course of his adventures, finds MELIBEA, a young noblewoman, and is bewitched by her appearance.

CALISTO: Your presence, Melibea, exceeds my 99.9% percentile prediction.

MELIBEA: How so, Calisto?

CALISTO: In that the grace of your form, its presentation and concealment, its motions and ornamentation are to me so unforeseen that they make me doubt my eyes, my sanity, and my forecasting prowess. In that if beauty was an alchemical substance, you would have four parts of it for every one part that all the other dames in the realm together have.

MELIBEA: But do go on Calisto, that your flattery is not altogether unpleasant to my ears.

CALISTO: I must not, for I am in an URGENT MISSION on which the fate of the kingdom rests. And yet, even with my utilitarian inclinations, I would grant you ANY BOON IN MY POWER for A KISS, even if my delay would marginally increase the risk to the realm.

Calisto then climbs up to Melibea’s balcon and GETS A KISS. When going down, he LOOKS BACK at Melibea, slips, BREAKS HIS NECK, and DIES.

The END.

Commentary

What you just read is a MODERN ADAPTATION of La Celestina, a novel/play written in 1499. In the original story, Calisto is indeed bewitched by Melibea’s appearance after first seeing her, and does offer very over the top flattery. Some stuff happens in between, after which Calisto does die after falling of a ladder while visiting Melibea, following which Melibea kills herself.

I’ve stolen a sentence from Groon the Walker: “the grace of your body, its presentation and concealment, its motions and ornamentation”.

For other microfiction, see:

• Forecasting Newsletter: April 2222
• It was a sunny winter night, and the utilitarians had gathered in their optimal lair